WHAT’S UP DOC?
If you know me well, you know how much I fear going to the doctor’s office. I make myself sick just thinking about a trip to see a doctor. I once went to see a friend in the hospital and became ill, nearly passing out as we neared his room. This was thirty years ago and I remember the moments well as my face flushed and my knees buckled. When I get shots, I break out in a cold sweat and my head spins. I have nearly passed out four times when I had blood drawn. I am such a huge wimp.
Please do not take my experiences as a deterrent for doing to the doctor. I actually make a visit twice a year to check my blood and medication levels. Stupid high blood pressure… I really need to get back to exercising soon. I have an appointment scheduled for next month. I hate this time of year. Gotta lay off the cookies too. Small sacrifices for a long, healthy life.
SO WHAT HAPPENS NEXT IN TODAY’S COMIC STRIP?
It is time for everyone’s favorite segment where we find out what happens after the last panel of my comic strip is read. What transpires after the comic strip expires? What is up when the comic strip wraps up? Where does the tale go when the comic strip is no mo?
Charmy stares at Doc intensely and slowly mumbles, “I hate you….”. Charmy rubs his arm and confesses, “I have NO idea why I even come here”.
In walks Doc’s nurse Heidi who alerts Doc advising, “Your next patient is here”.
Charmy is grinning ear to ear and mumbles, “Oh yeah, I remember now!”
Nurse Heidi strikesm a cold stare at Charmy.
Charmy continues, “Sarge threatens to beat me within an inch of my life”.
Nurse Heidi’s expression switches to that of amusement as she shares a look of astonished realization as she mutters, “Oh…” and then she shakes her head.
Weaver storms in and informs Charmy he needs to leave, “Get your drawers on Charmy. I need to see Doc asap”.
“Did you get another paper cut?” asks Charmy.
“No. Not this time anyway”, admits Weaver. “I think I have Hypertonsilapaturitis”.
“You have got to stop using WebMD”, explains Doc.
“But Doc, I have all the symptoms”, Weaver advises. “I have sweaty underarms, scaly scalp, itchy feet, multiple rashes, and smelly toes”.
Charmy interrupts and suggests, “Well, if you’d bathe every once in a while…”
“Hey!” Snaps Weaver.
“Seriously”, explain Doc. “These are signs of multiple conditions”.
“Dear Lord!” Screams Weaver, “I have multiple illnesses!”
Charmy slaps his own forehead as he says, “You are such a hypochondriac”.
Weaver agrees, “Well, according to Doc… I am that and a multitude of other things too”.
Charmy’s eyes drift towards the audience as he breaks the fourth wall.
Doc scratches his head and asks Weaver, “Can I try something?”
“Sure Doc”, confirms Weaver. “You’ve gotta fix me”.
“Never tell a Doc you wanna get fixed”, Charmy informs Weaver”.
As Charmy says that line, Nurse Heidi is seen with a small pair of scissors as she makes two quick snipping motions.
“Strip down to your underwear and have a seat, Weaver. I want to check your reflexes”, Doc requests.
“Okay, but close your eyes,” asks Weaver.
“Yeah, his pasty skin will blind ya” explains Charmy.
Weaver pops up onto the table and looks up to spot Doc turning around to reveal a small hammer.
Weaver jumps off the table and ducks behind Charmy, “What the heck are you going to do with that hammer?” asks Weaver.
“I am going to tap your leg just below your knee and check your reflexes”, explains Doc.
“Oh no! You are not going all Tonya Harding on my knee” explains Weaver.
“When was the last time you had a good, sound sleep?” asks Doc.
“I have not slept for days” admits Weaver. “I can’t sleep. I cannot eat. I am a nervous wreck since… since…” Weaver stalls.
“Since what, son?” asks Doc.
“I cannot remember”, confesses Weaver. “I just don’t know…” Weaver grabs Doc by the shirt around the neck and yells, “DEAR LORD, I DON’T KNOW!”
Doc looks concerned and asks, “Let me talk to Charmy for a second. Charmy, let’s step outside”.
“Yeah, where it is safe!” says Charmy.
Doc and Charmy step outside and Doc puts one hand on Charmy’s shoulder. With great concern, Doc confides to Charmy. “Weaver appears to be having a nervous breakdown.”
“See! I told Weaver that Web MB was wrong.” Charmy says as he interrupts Doc. “Oh wait, is Hypterminertonsilapaturitis another word for ‘Nervous Breakdown’, Doc?”
“Um, no”, says Doc. “Look, my cousin has a pea farm out in the country. I am going to write you and Weaver a pass to take a few weeks off from camp. You both could use a little rest and relaxation.”
And this is the beginning of the animated episode Peas and Quiet.
Of course, this is a rough draft. I loved the “fixed” gag. I need to roll in a few more gags before this scene is perfected.
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